Happy Love Day

Can you believe it. It is already so far into the year, that we have and yet again a Valentines day. Will it be any different than last years?
Yes!!! I am now surrounded by peace and love. Have had one Valentines smooch (blush) already! tHAHAHA, it can only get better from here onwards!!!

Yesterday I had an emotional wobble and ultimately fall out with my soon to be ex husband. Well, I have made a case against him for assaulting me and have been yesterday subpoena to appear in court on the 01 March 2012. Lord, I was afraid!! I was angry of fear. Then in this emotion I have phoned my ex and just lashed out. Not that he did not deserve it, but it was an energy not worth dwelling upon. I know then and I know now!
Till just recently I have found out, that as a kid I have been taught, that pain is my sign of love. So I phoned my ex, to get my dose of "love". Needy love! This one is a rough one for me.Lots of work and lots of deep work!
So still, even after now good six month of moving out, there are days, when I go back and get my dose of "pain love".

How many of us are actually thinking that we need somebody or something to make us whole. To love us, so that we can love? Finding always the need to create certain situations and finding people to make us feel the way we felt when we were little. Is this truth still true? Or can we now rewrite it?
Everything which is vibrating and originating from an unhealthy need, I feel is ...NO GOOD!

Yes, of course we all love to be touched and kissed and hugged and cuddled. But let it come from a place, of knowing who we are. Let us already be filled with love and understand that we are it.
We do not need atrificial aproval of love. We do not need pain to feel loved. No more bad words.
So if you are somehow, seeing yourself and being aware that similar is happening to you - it is ok!
And this too shall pass .... LOL
Honestly, the moment you are aware that it is happening, it is ok. You are ahead already and can learn to change the need of  the needy love.

Being on this journey is wonderful and some days frustrating. As I can see and am feeling helpless that it is returning again and that I have re-acted, instead of acted.

Be gentle to yourself as I am to myself. After all, it is Valentins day - - one of 365 Valentins days this year.

Love does, what love does best ~~~~ LOVE!

Have an AWEsome day, I love you and I love me

D xox

Moments that matter

Good Mornings,

what a few days it has been since Friday afternoon.

My kitty Sally was very ill, of chronic kidney failure and was on her way to leave this lifetime. So my son and I went on Friday afternoon to neighbouring village and gotten the: "letting go" remedy from a holistic vet. This remedy would help Sally to let go and pass peacefully.
Saturday morning, Sally was sitting on the kitchen floor, one could see not well. So I picked her up and took her downstairs. Showed her our log house and the forest. Stood there for a while and let her soak in the view of the high trees. Later took her up and laid her on the bed and gave her some more remedy and tea. Again speaking to her: that my son and I are safe and she could let us go!
By 2pm that Saturday she passed.
My son of five told me several times: Mami, it is ok. You can cry. But Sally is now fine and playing with Harry and the rabbit.


Why I am sharing this is: to enjoy the moments and appreciate the beings crossing your path and traveling with you.
Even though I found, we all KNOW to be in the NOW and the moment. We are more than often not, getting in-tangled in "shoulds" and buying just another five minutes of what we think (or others think) we have to do or think.
I have found now, that since Sally was sick and dying, that I became more mindful about what matters. Started DOING and saying things that are truly me. AUTHENTIC.
LOL even am learning to play again with my boy .... Lego! Often in the pace of society (not life) we forget not only what truly matters, we even forget how to be in the moment and how it is done. Just like playing for example.

So today, I wished that I have taken more time out to cuddle with Sally, which has taken so excellent care of me emotionally. With such unconditional love. Today I wished, that I would have not said so often to my son: go and play, I am busy..give me five more minutes. But it is in the past now. Nothing I can make unhappen or change.

Today I understand, that no matter what - it is always possible to just stop and take time out to make matters and moments count. Nothing else actually is important, than these moments. Enriching our lives, filling us up with love, gratitude and appreciation.

Oh and one on the side, Universe is helping me in re-learning and being in the moment. At our new  house, I do not have internet right now ... so lets cuddle and play and go to the beach.

Have an AWesome day and feel the moments

D xox

Changes and Shifts and so much more

It has been a while, since I have written and expressed myself here.
Lots has happened and still happening. Shifting and changes are on a daily occurrence right now.
All these odd emotions, which I thought I have dealt with, coming up again and again and again.
Sigh.... well, I have learned to take it as it is and stay as much as I can in the flow and release deeper and deeper.

Now, I have had the urgency to change the way I am writing this blog. It will be from now on a voice from me, my journey and messages. Kind of a diary on where I am at and where I am going and if I am going.
So many writings exist already on gratitude, love, forgiveness etc. that I feel, I would like to take you with, on my journey. Perhaps, you will find some value in it for yourself and maybe it will give you some answers on your journey. As ultimately what I feel it is about: to remember who we are and become our true self. And this is LOVE and returning home to Source/God! As ONE!

As you most likely know or not, I used to live in an abusive marriage for six years. Last year my son and I moved out. I had enough courage and strength, to leave. Even though seeing and understanding, that the past is about learning and letting go, it is still a process and challenge. Almost daily.

Being positive and understanding the Law of Attraction (lets say most of the time),gets me often into a state of frustration. Frustrated that it is not quick enough, that it still hurts and I am still attached to some old lessons. Man oh man, those days I can jump up and down the walls and be so  ...  human?!

By allowing and reminding myself to be in the flow of things, I can see things start happening for me. Good things, falling into place almost all by itself.
My son and I, have moved house past weekend. He has chosen the house and to be honest, I am happy that I did trust his instinct. It is surrounded by pine trees and I can hear the sea far away.
Actually, magic you will have, where ever you want it to be.

Will leave you for now, as I want to write some more about what has happened yesterday at a counseling session. Very very interesting indeed.

Am wishing you a wonderful day and sending you love and abundance

Diana xox