Here is my story

Today I would like to share with you my story. More kind of a short story.
Now only literally a few days away from moving to our first stop, I am edgy and filled with so many different emotions. A good six year chapter of my life is closing and I am taking with, a lot of lessons learned, new discovered gifts and passions and most of all – MY SON!
These six years past have been a journey of awakening and realization of who I truly am.
As am writing I am smiling, as it has bin a rough roller coaster ride.

You know, I think one walks into such abusive relationships with open eyes which are closed.
One knows this relationship is not right and yet one closes ones eyes, and ignores all alarms going off. I had to do this again, because my first marriage I tend to ignore the lessons, yet gained a first step in awakening and stopped. So Universe/God decided, that I was urgently needed and send me on a true boot camp with this second marriage.

Like today I remember the beginning of 2005. I have just decided to stop drinking/partying and smoking and to be for some odd reason become more mindful. There he stepped into my life in March 2005 and turned my life upside down.
From the beginning it was not ok. He drank a lot and was very very manipulative. Yes I know, alcoholics tend to be this way. I believed all his promises and walked into this marriage, almost like knowing: death row is near.
I had Oliver end of 2006. Nothing has changed. More abuse and control and manipulation.
At one stage is was so angry in my life. Woke up in the morning with a frown on my face and my mouth hanging to the ground. One could say it bordered on depression. With each day I was a bit more hopeless, a bit more sad and pushed into a life I did not want to live.
Not knowing that this was my push to where I am today.
Sad actually that humans have to learn with pain and then hopefully wake up.
Besides all the violent force in my life, I am taking so much more with me.
I could have turned bitter and sour, especially after I walked out once for a few weeks and returned back on empty promises. Yes I know, silly me. But it had to happen this way and it is ok.
Look at me today, even though the last few days and hours are a true challenge in an emotional way, it is ok too. Sounds sick doesn’t it

I have learned to be grateful, patient, open minded and hearted and to have compassion. Most of all I have learned to have faith. Live faith, breath faith and feel faith.
With this faith I am now learning to let go and live in the moment and see things as they are and take them as they are. Make choices for the now and change if I do not like it. Set my boundaries and walk my truth. I will not be violent, just because somebody else chooses it to be. I am the change. I am the change I want to see in the world.
My son will in a few days, see a mother he can look up to and copy. See how it is done. See how to be so much love, that it overflows. And see that addiction and abuse and bullying is a NO GO!
In a few days, I am out of here. Then most likely the battle of divorce and custody will start.
I have faith, that I am protected and is well. As with fear I would give my power away and succumb in the dark.

Life is amazing, despite all the turbulence. I am receiving love from so many people. Have received financial help from a friend, I never thought in my life would help me. THANK YOU!
Now I will start doing what I came to do. Write and share and be of assistance.
PLEASE, this here is intended to be an inspiration to other women and some men out there in similar circumstances. I am not a victim anymore. On the contrary, I came to shine and live my life so that others asleep, will awaken and perhaps follow. I came here in assistance to heal others and myself at the same time.
Wake up, protect yourself and step out of the fear. If I can do it ~ so can you. Violence is not an option.
Never has and never will be. One doesn’t have to walk away and leave all behind. One doesn’t. Perhaps at the beginning as my boy and I, have to live in a smaller place? But we taking our animals with.
Life is not about compromising. Adjust if YOU want to and have faith. Feel it in your heart.
With love, light and lightness
Diana x